letter to barack.

Dear President Obama,

Congratulations on your well-deserved victory! I’m sure you’re tired; I’m exhausted from merely reading about what you’ve been up to. Right on, man. The socialist revolution begins now! Say ... I know you’ve got a lot on your plate: the economy, operation shit-storm in Iraq, health care (yawn...), social security, yada yada yada. The thing is, I’ve got a problem that needs your attention.

I’m tired of seeing other Americans when I’m abroad. They’re loud, they’re always wearing bright colors, complaining about high prices, starting every other sentence with “In the US, we...”; they’re likely to believe they’re the first (and only) ones daring and original enough to venture beyond American borders. And they take a lot of pictures. It’s a killjoy seeing these people, dude, and it’s nigh time something be done about it. I propose the following: One group (max 4 individuals) of Americans, per country, per week. Period.

I know you’ve got a lot on your mind, Mr. Obama. Those GOP’ers really left things a mess. But the coffee shops, cobbled lanes and “authentic” pubs in Europe (and undoubtedly elsewhere) are a mess too. If I hear one more American substitute “cheers” for “thank you” in a middle-American accent, I might be provoked to violence. Action is needed ... now.

Thanks for your urgent attention to this matter, President Obama.

Concerned, but optimistic.


Jared Long

P.S. As I’m currently unemployed, I have plenty of time to answer any questions you might have or to elaborate further. I don’t have a cell phone, though, so: A) we could set up a skype date! –or- 2) failing that, drop me an e-mail at: jaredtweedy@gmail.com.

P.P.S. “tweedy” isn’t my real last name.