i'm sorry.

i'm sorry, but i think we (america) owe england an apology. don't get me wrong -- i love the idea of a revolution. love it. who doesn't? but it seems to me that our radical experiment in democracy and freedom for all has gone awry (read: financial crisis, world's highest divorce rates, world ranking #27 (below Slovenia, Brunei) in infant mortality). it's time we face the facts: england is cooler than america.

for starters, england is cleaner...more debonair; it's architecture older and more majestic; outlets are higher voltage; beers are bigger; accents are cooler. apples? more delicious. health care? Admittedly not perfect, but even I can go to the doctor here and be treated.

longitude started here: L-O-N-G itude. they've got this graffiti artist named banksy who doesn't tell anyone his name; a gold statue of kate moss doing yoga; they've got cool names for their cities like "Stoke-on-tent" and "Maidenhead". New York Shmew York.

they use words like 'hoover' (vacuum), 'gutted' (sad; dejected) and 'offy' (corner liquor store); eat toothsome treats called eccles cakes (snickers? not here, mate); stand in longer queues (lines); read better books; pay higher prices; their government argues on TV.

and all this in a country smaller than oregon. incredible.

don't get me wrong here: i don't hate america. i just think we need to get off our high international horse and bow down to england. I mean, they don't call it great britain for nothing.

bring back the stamp tax,
-jared.

3 comments:

Stand and Deliver said...

Ummm...Have you tried to eat there? If it wasn't for the Indians, there wouldn't be a digestable meal in the whole country.

I concede the point on vocabulary, however. Bullocks!

-Schaf

Justin Shaddix said...

Ack! I'm returning to America soon!

SHIT! Maybe I should hit up England? Hmmm....

Micha Hanson said...

"patriotism does not require one to agree with everything that his country does and would actually promote analytical questioning in a quest to make the country the best it possibly can be."

- Socrates

Jared, it is to easy to sit on the sidelines and complain, that is to easy way out. If you think the country needs a new direction, start small and get involved in local politics, or get involved in a governmental program.